The spell board...

As I couldn't talk because of the tracheostomy, I would spell what I wanted to say. If you ever wondered if I would shut up this was the moment! I will never forget the moment igot my "voice box" or speaking valve. I felt free...I could communicate!
The lord Jesus gives us that kind of freedom also..."my chains fell off. My heart was free. I rose went forth and followed Thee!"

December 22, 2011--the dreams I remember...

This is unorganized...like a stream of conscientiousness. I had many wild dreams while I was initially trying to live and later when I was probably in a drug-induced coma. One dream involved me being dressed as a green and yellow bird. I thought the hospital had some arrangement with a medical company and that this was how the brain surgery patients were treated. I also had waterless baths with a lot of bubbles on a conveyor...
Another recurring dream put me on a train with a task to complete. At first I never completed the tasks. Later I never achieved the goal even though I would complete the task. Some of the tasks I had to perform were enduring excruciating pain while stacking china cups...saying in symmetry cartoon or kid ditties from my childhood...rotating condiment packets in old aluminum tv dinners,while standing in a camper not far from Sapulpa in "Lazy H" addition...using saliva and dirt to chew and eat...
One dream that I had made me an athletic phenomenon. I could bang my fist and make a unique invisible imprint that was connected to "Sonic". I could instantly have cold drinks. They were icy and wonderful! This was an ESPN craze which swept the nation.
There are other dreams that I really can't remember and there are actual tidbits I do recall as I was in and out of a conscientious state.

PS...I am trying to recall my experiences as I blog. Someday it will be something else...

December 21, 2011

I will soon be 8 months post-op. My emotions are sometimes good and sometimes not. I am still hemiplegic and most worrisome is what I call being wobbly. My balance is very much affected.
Introduction: I am a 44yo female. Turned 44 in the hospital. I in fact "woke up" 1 week before my birthday. I had a 5 cm tumor on my brainstem which was resected. I had a resultant csf leak that required 2 more surgeries on my brain. ICU was my home for 2.5 weeks or so I am told. I was warned of possible complications but I did not believe I would have any. My neurosurgeon, on the eve of the surgery said that he has never seen a tumor such as this and that it was very unusual. My skull-base surgeon who was and did open my skull, told me that my hearing or vestibular nerve would be sacrificed. Again on the eve of the surgery and I really wasn't too alarmed. Later, I found out my tumor was benign which is meaningless in the world of brain rumors. A malignant brain tumor can mean in a bad location and mine was certainly in a bad location. I did find out in August I had a VIth nerve schwannoma. It is very rare as most schwannomas are VIIIth nerve and rare theirselves. An VIIIth nerve scwannomas is also called an acoustic neuroma...that is not what I have had. I say this because I have scoured the web for info pertaining to me and I can not find it. I usually succumb to info on acoustic neuromas and stroke info (I didn't have a stroke but a resection...the neurosurgeon casually mentioned I might have had a stroke...no one knows.)

Things of which I am uncertain: ALOT!
Of what I am certain: God saw fit to save my life and I will praise and honor him forever! I am changed!